Most expectant parents have their worries about the health of their child. Usually from the moment that they see that little blue line. There is so much information out there that although is useful and in some cases life saving can also spiral a parents natural anxieties to a new level. For me this was no different. I would google a standard pregnancy symptom and end up on scary blog threads and convince myself something was wrong!

But surprisingly I didn’t think about one thing; what if my baby had the same condition as me?

I had talked about it theoretically before we were even thinking about having a baby.  I would brush off the theoretical situation stating that if baby was born ‘like me’ I knew they would be absolutely fine, they would hit all their milestones and lead a normal life. So what’s the problem?!

Then we go into the ultrasound room for our 12 week scan, I lay down and the technician pulls up this image of baby and says “there’s hand one, and there’s hand two”.

Those 7 words turned me from fierce mama bear to a tearful puddle.

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Yes, no matter what baby would have been more than ok, he would have lived a full and happy ‘normal’ life if he hadn’t had both hands – because I am!

But I know the struggles, the stares, the grit and determination it takes to grow up in a world where differences were unsightly and disabled had various negative connotations.

Society in the early 90’s  was less than open to physical differences and although I am confident that society has improved massively  since then hearing those words lifted a weight I didn’t even know was there off of my chest.

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This is an emotive topic and I am conscious that if I word this incorrectly it might upset someone. Please know this is not my intention. What I am trying to say is that I have always seen it from the child’s side because I have never been a parent! I have spent my life campaigning for what I can do and dealing with others assumptions. I had not had to look at an ultrasound and listen to a little heartbeat and prey that this little dream would come to fruition until now.

It is hard for me to acknowledge the emotions that this situation brought up let alone share them as I have been that child and defined by my diagnosis. But to know that this little untouched life was going to be simpler, that he could be a child a little longer, that he could do the little things that I took longer to learn with ease meant more to me than I am comfortable acknowledging.

I wanted to put this out there for the parents who have received a diagnosis for any rare disease including Dysmelia/Limb differences either before or after birth and had to ride the roller coaster of emotions that I can only imagine. Firstly its completely normal and secondly your child has got this!